First things first, the philosophy professor and I are still messaging. We have not made second date plans, but I am away. Turns out when he said stay in touch, he meant stay in touch, he didn’t mean “I don’t know what to say so I’m going to say something non-committal and vague.” We traded phone numbers; he’s been chatty and light. I am hopeful but ultimately realistic, given my track record.
In the meantime, a guy from Vegas messaged me. I had set my zip code for Vegas; perhaps I still appeared to be there? He’s 39 and likes older women, he says, because they know what they want. “You seem fun,” he says.
I clarify that I’m not in Vegas, that I set my zip there temporarily because the dating scene in my home city is so bleak.
“No matches?”
“Oh, I get matches, there’s just zero follow through.”
“I found you looking for hookups. Maybe you want to check that you’re looking for hookups. Also, your profile is… well, it’s a lot.”
“Oh, if I wanted to hook up, I’d have checked that box. And I guess if a guy finds my profile too much, it’s doing a good job of filtering out guys who think I’m too much.”
“No need to be rude,” he said, “I was just giving you advice.”
I also have some advice.
Never tell a woman she is too much. Before you do that, look in the mirror and realize that you, sir, are nowhere near enough.
Never assume that a woman wants your advice. Ask first. “Would you like my advice?”
If a woman tells you she wants — or doesn’t want — something, believe her.
Speaking your mind is not the same thing as being rude. Learn the difference. I did not insult you, I did not even use profanity. Maybe read up on how a man who speaks his mind is considered bold and a woman who does the same is rude, and why that assessment is problematic.
Fuck off.
I am just trying to help.