He was lined up at to order when I got to the restaurant. I’d texted him that I was wearing red; he saw me coming from the parking lot and waved. I joined him in line. I declined his offer to buy me lunch but he insisted that because I’d made the drive, it was on him. I shrugged.
He was nice, polite, interested, talked about himself less than any guy I’ve been on a date with. (That’s gotta be the therapist in him at work.) He’s got a solid practice, plays the guitar, has an interesting personal history. But about ten minutes in I knew it wouldn’t be a thing, and ten minutes later I figured out why.
His voice, his mannerisms, they were exactly like my youngest brother. Bingo. That does not bode well for a romantic relationship, does it? Would it be rude to tell him that I can’t date him because it would feel weirdly incestuous?
The “let me buy my own” thing feels like a puzzle I can’t figure out. Is it an insult to the guy that I want to pay my own way? On a first date, is he setting expectations for gender roles? Am I failing to enforce my boundaries if I let a guy buy my sandwich? Or am I letting him feel good about himself? It doesn’t feel quid pro quo, not on a first date. I don’t think the guy thinks I’m obligated to do anything at all, but maybe I’m wrong about this. I don’t want to make a thing out of it, so I accept, but it never feels exactly right. Also, why does he assume I want him to pay?
I gotta revise date one so we meet for coffee and I get there first and buy my own. I think that’s the only way out of this maze.
If he asks me out again, I’m going to have to say, “I enjoyed meeting you, but you are so much like my little brother, we’re not going to be a thing. If you want hang out as friends, though, let me return the favor and buy you lunch.”
Ugh. How awkward.