He was there when I arrived and he looked better than his pictures. We talked for an hour over coffee. It was hard for me to focus because the place was having story hour. For a while, it was toddler music on the PA, and then a barista corralled the little ones to read them a story. If I had been looking for a future father to my children, it would have been an excellent test.
The last date I went on was in October; I thought it might be time to try again. This guy communicated in complete sentences and asked directly if we could meet so I said yes.
I had some minor concerns about his being nearly ten years older than me, but that turned out to be a total non-issue. He asked good questions, he has some serious liberal cred, he likes his job, he talked about his friends, the new bar that went in where that old bar used to be. He’s a words person, I am too, that was nice.
I used to go on great big trips alone all the time. I’d get on a plane and sometimes, I’d get lucky, I’d sit next to someone companionable. We’d have a far-ranging conversation for an hour or four, the plane would land, and I would never see them again.
It was like that.
I’m starting to wonder if it’s me. Not in the “I’m not attractive, I don’t deserve to find someone” kind of way. I’m not fishing for reassurance. It’s just that I’ve been very, very single for three years now. I’m starting to wonder if I don’t prefer it that way. Maybe I come away uninspired because I don’t want to be inspired.
I binged a Disney animated series recently, The Owl House. The Owl House is about Luz, a tween who ends up trapped in a parallel world where witches and demons are real. She moves in with Eda, the Owl Lady. Luz is the main character in this series, but I am utterly fixated on Eda. She’s middle-aged, single with no kids, unapologetically weird and counter-culture even in the bizarro world she inhabits. She’s got a colorful past, a chaotic but comfortable home, and a strange little cat/dog/demon sidekick named King. I have never seen a more relatable character on television. Never.
At no point have I thought, “Ya know, she needs a boyfriend.” Hell, she can do magic and fly, what the fuck does she need a boyfriend for?
That’s probably a weird vibe on a date.