I suffer from chronic online-ism, which is how I know about Bumble’s tone deaf campaign and its demise. TLDR, the dating app put up a bunch of billboards chiding women for choosing abstinence or celibacy over dating. The company was promptly roasted for basically telling women to put out. They’ve since issued a formal “apology” statement and the company says they’re making donations to domestic violence causes. It’s all damage control. The company hasn’t yet released data about how many women deleted their accounts.
Bumble was initially designed so women make the first move. Bumble was slightly more effective for me — I had, say, a .75% chance of finding a decent match vs a .25% via apps that didn’t limit opening communication. My theory is that men on Bumble had been, by default, more okay with assertive women. Bumble has since redesigned their matching interaction and men can send an “Opening move” — a canned question that a women can chose to answer. Or not.
I had paid 10.99 to go through the matches stacked up over the course of the last five-six months. That’s still too much money for what I ended up with: a apathetic local guy and a more interesting prospect who lives 800 miles away. I mean, it’s eleven dollars, it’s fine.
I’ve been kicking around this idea of volcels. Incels are those guys who complain that they’re not getting laid, that they are being denied access to women’s bodies because, I don’t know, those bitches won’t put out. Volcels are a logical response to that attitude, volcels choose the bear (did I mention I am chronically online?) A generation spanning group of women are looking at what’s on offer and saying, “Nah. I’m good.”
I suspect most women know that they can get laid, no problem, pretty much on demand and some of them are taking advantage of this fact. Tinder exists. You can throw up a profile, post that you’re looking to hook up, and wait while the offers roll in. You may not want what’s on offer, but you’ve got options. If that’s what the bear/abstinence sisterhood wanted, they’d go get it. Or they can, ya know, hire a professional. Did you see Good Luck to You, Leo Grande? Emma Thompson stars as a retired teacher who hires a sex worker.
Korea has the 4B movement. No heterosexual marriage, no childbirth, no dating, and no heterosexual sexual relationships. I think what’s happening with what I want to call volcels is similar. We’re opting out. Unsubscribing. Women are being realistic about what’s on deck, they’re openly sharing their experiences, and they’re saying no. They’re rejecting existing relationship models, they’re asking for more. They are done giving a break to guys who can’t follow up, don’t express interest, or you know, don’t have indoor plumbing.
Men are angry at women in this state, they’re angry, period. Women, in an interesting twist, seem to be content once they quit dating. This isn’t to say women don’t crave attention or wouldn’t like a companion, but we are collectively not settling for less any longer. We’ve done that long enough. When Bumble chides women for not putting out, it’s no better than an angry incel declaring his right to something that isn’t his.
“You’re just going to end up alone with your weird dog,” is not a threat.
I deleted my account.