Don't make me rewrite your profile.

  • Pictures of your car, boat, or motorcycle

  • Pictures of you with your car, boat, or motorcycle

  • Pictures that don’t have you in them at all

  • Pictures of you shirtless

  • Shirtless mirror selfies

  • Gym mirror selfies

  • Selfies in your car

  • Zero pictures where I can see your eyes

  • No pictures at all

  • Mixing up your and you’re

  • Mixing up there, their, and they’re

  • “Seeking God-fearing woman”

  • Republicans

  • Political apathy or disinterest

  • Burning Man regulars

  • Flat openers (“Hi…”)

  • Overplayed openers (You are beautiful I would like to kiss you…)

  • Lying about your age and then saying you lied about your age because… ageism

  • Zero women in your reading and/or music list

  • Pictures of you with your young children

  • The weirdly sexist and insistent “Women can make the first move too, you know.”

  • “Sensual”

Yeah, I’m going to be single forever, aren’t I?