Dude. No.

How can it still be going so badly?

Welcome to my inbox.

I like your pictures and profile especially the honesty in your answers. Have to admit the answers got me worked up had to choose between a cold shower or doing something about it. I choose the latter whoops inside voice.

Am I supposed to say thank you? Ewww. No.

I hesitated to write based on your "no poly" declaration. All I can say is anyone I connect with has to genuinely be okay with a non-monogamous approach, as the depressingly stupid structures of our society require me to remain married. That doesn't preclude someone becoming my emotional primary, but exclusivity isn't in the cards.

I’m not, in theory, against poly relationships. I mean, you do you, assuming it’s all above board and everyone consents. But dudes will keep trying to convince me I want otherwise, as though I don’t know my own mind.

To be fair, this guy was nice enough. He was just throwing out an inquiry and he was very polite.

When this virus thing is over, no doubt Hallmark will be making Hall of Fame specials about it...with a Covid-19 related storyline. I would love to have such a storyline from you. No pressure...200 words or less. Twisted would be great, but there must be good reason for it; the weirdness must figure strongly into the plot. Oh, and tears: since it is a Hallmark Hall of Fame special, it should make Molly Midwesterner reach for a tissue.

Wait a sec, did you really just give me a writing assignment? I’m open to this, but please tell me where to send my invoice. Also, your “Molly Midwesterner” trope is lazy and tired.

In addition, I have a bottomless pile of:

  • Hi.

  • Hello.

  • Good morning/evening/afternoon.

  • How are you today?

  • Nice to meet you my name is (same name on profile).

I respond to every one with nearly the exact phrase they’ve used in their greeting to see if they might come back with something slightly better, more personal, more interesting. They never do.