Men Say Things to Me II

I thought *I* was bad at this.

I’m happy to give you my number, but I’d like to know a little more about you first. Kids? Pets? Secret past you don’t tell anyone about?
Ha, no secret past. Two boys, with their mom most of the time. No pets. Circumsized at 14.
What? Huh? Is that … something I need to know? Right now?


How are you getting through all this?
Lots of walks with the dog, cooking, intermittent screaming into my pillow. You?
I buy myself a present nearly every other day. I’m big on the self-pleasure.
Um, so I’m still pretty new to online dating and I get this was kind of a hookup app before Corona, but is it considered acceptable to discuss one’s masturbation habits before you’ve even met the person?

[To be fair to this guy, he clarified. I really did ask him this, and he said, “Oh, that’s not what I meant, I meant self-indulgence.”]


I have scissors and a toolbelt if you’d like meet for a haircut. I’ve never done it before, but what the hell.
Not really sure what to say to this. It’s supposed to be funny, but “Let me, a stranger, fuck up your hair the first time we meet” is kind of a red flag.

Tell me something we’ll fight about.
[This is an opening question in my profile. Thought I might give them something to work with.]
Nothing you won’t get over with a kiss and a cuddle.

I like making things, drawing, painting, cooking, growing food. Makes me happy.