Him: Want to meet for coffee or something?
Me: Sure, I’d like that. I have some things in my weekend that haven’t quite snapped into place yet, but what’s your schedule like?
Him: Let’s wait until you have more time.
My dudes, we’ve talked about this. Though maybe you don’t actually want to meet?
Me: I mean, I’m an atheist, but I’m not going to walk away from 5000 years of my cultural history. It’s important to me.
Him: I stay away from religion and politics. I changed my last name to make it less Hebrew.
Him: What are you looking for? And are you pretty happy with your life as it is now?
Me: I try not to have too many expectations out of the gate. And yeah, actually, my life is pretty good.
Him: [Unmatches me.]
Him: In the interest of time (texting back-and-forth, can eat up quite a lot of it), and at the risk of mansplaining, perhaps I can at least tell you a little bit about me and what I’m looking for?
I know that’s not standard for most guys to just lay out a lot of information, preemptively, but I find that it saves us a lot of that texting back-and-forth…
I’m an intelligent, successful professional man seeking an active, smart and uninhibited partner & lover.
I’m a happy, confident, sensual, well-grounded single guy, with a sensitive soul and a warm heart. I’d been enjoying dating (before Covid) after years of marriage, but I am now struggling to find what I seek. I’d relish a smart, professional woman whose own preferences are to be in a romantic sensual relationship. We would co-create our own intense space….
I am president of an executive search and corporate consulting firm.
If any of this sounds interesting to you, I’d look forward to hearing back from you when you have the chance.
Me: It's literally my job to make complex concepts more easily understood and I am always fascinated by word choices. Can you clarify a few things? People often use sensual and sexual interchangeably; is that the case here? When you say 'professional,' is that an expectation around appearance and/or economic status?
Him: re:: sexual/sensual word choice.
I have learned certain subjects are triggers for people, and they will reveal their concerns earlier rather than later. (which is good). Better that we all have some idea of these things upfront, so that we can make a better choice. I used to be more explicit in my word choices, and found that it was too jarring
Re: professional. Hmmm… I guess on second thought it might have those effects, but that was not the idea. No, the actual intent was to convey that I was interested in someone who already has her own intellectual focus. And secondarily, I was implying a certain level of education. In this city, neither of those things necessarily produces a specific appearance, nor an economic class.
Me: So that’s a yes, they are interchangeable?
I sent it to a few friends for their takes — edited here for brevity.
He doesn’t wanna talk much but he’d love the maturity of a decades-long relationship with the much-fucking phase of a horny weekend with a stranger.
Hahahah WHAT THE FUCK … the overuse of the word professional is like “You need to be busy, have your own money, and fit a heteronormative look of professional polish.”
He's into bondage and kinky stuff. He's telling you he's a corporate titan (actually he's an HR gun-for-hire) either because he feels that makes him seem powerful (power is important to him) or because he plans to use money to smooth over the really weird stuff that you might find repellent.
I’m used to the queer and kink communities where coyness doesn’t fly. He’s boring at best, dishonest, and chicken at worst. Hard pass.
He thinks he is unusual. (This is such a cold take-down I gotta go put on a sweater.)
Caption: To answer your question, we may or may not be trying to have it both ways.
Him: Although I do not personally use them, interchangeably, for all practical purposes my “audience“ does, at least, in this context.
Me: [Unmatach]