Stuck in Square Eleven

Do we have a vaccine yet?

Work through this with me. Every step can be a dead end — people bail on these interactions at any and all times.

  1. You make a match on the apps.

  2. You connect. There’s some real conversation.

  3. You plan to meet. Your first date requires social distancing.

  4. That date goes okay, you decide to do it again. What’s that date even look like? Restaurants and bars aren’t an option yet. When they are, you must keep social distance.

  5. You have a long talk about health concerns. The building contractor is going to a jobsite every day where he works with a crew. Is it safe to be less than six feet away from that guy? The pharmacist is taking everything deadly serious, but he still works with the public, and by nature of his job, with people who have been sick. Is it safe to be less than six feet away from that guy? The tech guy works from home and his life looks like mine on a day to day basis, but he’s a bit cavalier, he recently helped a buddy move and they were in the cab of his truck together. Is it safe to be less than six feet away from that guy? There’s also the possiblity that no matter how safe a guy tells you he’s being, he’s lying. Shocker, I know.

  6. You’re in luck, you’re on the same page about safety. Bonus, there’s a spark. Now what? Corona is transmitted by breath, it seems, so something as simple as that first kiss means someone might get sick. You have to wait. Maybe you get Corona tests and then, quarantine until the results come in? The testing program here has been expanded, this isn’t an impossibility, but can both parties quarantine? I can, but that contractor can’t, he still has to go to work every day.

  7. Good news, you’re both Corona-free. You’re both on the same page about safety and day to day behaviors. You decide to get physical in some way, whether it’s making out in the car or getting naked in bed, it doesn’t matter because again, Corona appears to be transmitted by breathing. Once you’ve allowed another human into your bubble, you need to keep that bubble closed until you’re sure everyone is still healthy. No pressure, you’re now in an exclusive relationship! To break physical distancing with anyone else is to put yourself and everyone you share space with at risk. Exclusivity is the only ethical option right now. If it turns out the connection doesn’t work out, you get to start all over again.

  8. Go back to screaming into your pillow. Oh, maybe that’s me.

I’ve been talking with a friend who was super into casual hookups; he’s got the same issues. I want a boyfriend, he just wants to play, but we both have to navigate the same complicated path.

I think the only answer is to act like I’m looking for work and activate my network. No one I trust is going to set me up with someone they don’t trust. I’m risk averse when it comes to my phyiscal health; my friends know that. They’re comfortable inviting me to hang out because they know I’ve been safe. My friends must know other people like me, perhaps some of them are single men?

It’s a weird time to date, but I am a smart and responsible person.

TLDR: Who do you know? Who do you know that I know that should know that I’m single and might know someone?

If you don’t have enough to do right now, I volunteer my social life as your project.

Set me up. No long distance bullshit, no smokers.

Square eleven sucks.